First, this mysterious pill appeared on the desk in my office (not in my house.) I was totally baffled by it. I decided that someone else must have dropped it in my office, and the cleaning staff put it on my desk. The "L" was intriguing: Lipitor? Lorazepam? Lomotil???? I had no clue, and threw it out, hoping it wasn't someone's very expensive prescription. I told Doug about it, and he had no idea either. . . .
The Mystery Intensifies. . . the Drugs Multiply . . . Paranoid Precautions are Taken:
The next day, I found these two pills on the floor in my house! Doug also looked at them, and then we looked suspiciously at each other.
(Was my husband secretly a drug-abusing klutz, dropping his pills? Did DH have a dread disease that he was keeping from me? Did I really have a multiple personality disorder, and one part of me engaged in active drug-seeking behavior?) My husband suggested that maybe he walked in his sleep???????? (That made NO sense!)
We thought about calling my sister, MaryAnn, and describing the pills. . . she might at least know what they were. . .
I checked the tread on the bottom of my shoes, thinking maybe I had walked on a pile of pills in the snow (and they didn't dissolve?) but got stuck on my shoes, leaving one in my office, two at home. . . . But the tread was too smooth. . .
Finally, we did what any rational, law-abiding, smart, middle-aged empty-nesters would do if they were being stalked by a trail of "L" drugs:
We called our daughter at her college and told her that if we turned up dead or missing, to call the police and give them the clue that we had been being stalked by these pills and it was probably related. . .
The Guilty Party Identified:
And you all think Bonnie is just a sweet, innocent dog! But now you'll learn about her sneaky and secretive side!
I walked over to the kitchen counter and picked up the bottle of baby aspirin. Every day, Doug rolls up a little pill (A Little yellow pill with an "L" on it! How much more of a hint did we need, given that Bonnie is a yellow lab!!!) in a ball of peanut butter and buries it in her breakfast. She usually gulps down her food, slurping it, licking the bowl clean, moving the bowl all around the kitchen floor. And we feel better thinking that she'll have less aches and pains with her arthritis, and that this will protect the slightly enlarged heart of our 14 1/2 year old pooch.
And apparently, over the last 3 days, after she'd gobbled down her breakfast, she'd slink into the living room and surreptitiously drop the pill, sucked clean of all the peanut butter, onto the floor or onto the bag I carry to my office.
So if you have anything amiss in your life, think Bonnie! . . . because it turns out that she's much more clever and less innocent than she looks!