Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Be Afraid! Be Very Afraid!

. . . because this man is now on the loose!



You may remember our recent bird wars. It all started with my benign intent to get Doug to relax more; you know, watch little birdies, hear them sing, be one with nature, etc.

Except then he took up this vendetta against the squirrels eating the bird food, stealing the bird suet, and took to chasing the squirrels around the yard. But what's really getting to Doug is the massive amount of bird seed he is now trucking into our garage, slaving away under the hot (not!) sun, filling multiple bird seed feeders, with the sleek, black, uniformed Gackles shouting "Faster! Faster!" at him.

But now this lone guy is fighting back and has taken up arms against the masses! He wants to feed the "good birds," the brightly colored little finches and orioles and robins and swallows, and get rid of some of the greedy Gackles. He bought a 1000 FPS with PSA amo Nitro 17 and is thinking long and hard about heading into the yard with it.

Long and hard.

Thinking. . . .

Because it sounded like a good idea. But last night, Doug woke up with a nightmare that he'd somehow put the bullets, pellets, whatever they're called, in his mouth. . . and they had lead in them. . . and this was going to kill him, so he tried to vomit them out of his mouth. . . or some such thing.

I've started obsessing about, "What if you shoot one and they bleed blood onto the ground, and Bonnie gets into it and gets rabies. . . ?"

We live in hunting country. People drive these big pick-ups with gun racks, and haul deer carcasses, hanging them upside down in their garages, usually causing me to have to drive blocks out of my way to approach my house from a direction that won't bring my past strung up dead things.

We're so out of our element!

Stay tuned; I suspect there will be more to this story. . .

11 comments:

Cheri said...

OMG! That thing is scary! Isn't it a bit overkill for birds?

Nicki, said...

First thought: "you'll shoot your eye out!" I feel your pain re: camouflage wearing, deer antler hanging, gun toting community. I live in WV--- nuff said!

Joanne said...

This had me lol --esp about the squirrels because my hubby, also Doug, stand in our great room , waving his arms and yelling boogaboogabooga at them and they sit there and continue to eat out the feeders with a look like Oh, a show with our dinner ;) Good luck with the Grackles. I think you could shoot all the ammo you have at them and they'd still come.

Samantha said...

Oh boy... I can't wait to read the updates to this one! LOL!

Maria said...

ROTFLOL!!! Poor, sweet Doug! It's just not in his nature to shoot anything, even obnoxious gackles! No wonder he's having nightmares!

You guys truly are like fish out of water over there! You'll need to find a gackle-free city in which to retire . . . hopefully somewhere warmer!

Suzy said...

And so the story begins.. I am crossing my fingers that sweet Bonnie stays safe - and Doug to!

Yolanda said...

I've encouraged my hsuband to do skeet shooting instead of killing stuff. It's a win win. He gets to shoot stuff (clay disks) and I don't have to put up with dead things.

Denita said...

That's too funny!

Reds said...

Poor little squirrels!! I might use a water gun ... but Doug looks mighty scary with his big gun!

Margaret said...

Your post made me laugh out loud. Loved the description of Doug's dream. Hope everything works out okay....keep us posted on your fearless hunter. :)

Jeanne said...

What a funny story! Oh my goodness, I hope everyone stays safe! Can't wait to hear your updates on this one...