Saturday, April 16, 2011

Well, Would YOU stick a matchstick up her butt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?

Now this is a title that REALLY demands an explanation! Doug and I are now Petco Puppy Kindergarten dropouts, after one day. We had an experience with a trainer that I am finding to be just plain out bizarre! Have you ever had one of those experiences where you hear something, and then your head goes into this twilight zone where you try to figure out if you REALLY heard that? Like maybe, you just had this little hiccup in your ear or something, and No-she-did-not say that?

Except she did.

Doug and I joined one of those obedience classes for new puppies to just work on the basic commands. . . like walk on a leash, don't eat the guests.

We should have been suspicious when it turned out that we were the only ones in the puppy class.

The trainer asked how it was going with housetraining, and we said that it was really going quite well, better than expected. The intrepid little Ruby does have occasional poddy accidents in the house, but we're pretty pleased about how that's going. Could we get some suggestions for walking on a leash.

I swear, the woman has an anal fixation!

She said we HAD to reward Ruby with a treat outside every times she goes. OK, we could do that. . . can't see what it would hurt, except to be a nuisance, since she does this just fine.

And THEN she said, (and not even Dave Barry would make this up!), "And to get her to poop, light a match, put vaseline on it, and stick it up her butt."

"What?" And my brain does this strange sloshing from side to side in my skull at this point, thinking it's maybe like lighting a match if someone makes the rest room unusually stinky.

And she says, "Well, not lit still of course. Ha Ha."

"Why? She goes just fine!"

"Because she'll push against it, just like you did with your babies and thermometers." (ummmmm, no!)

She said we could not get a refund after that evening. We went into Petco and got a refund of $99.95 the next morning.

This little gem of wisdom was also mixed in with extensive hawking of the Petco products, and telling us that most likely Ruby would need intensive individual training by her privately, because she's "a certified dog trainer with 50 years experience." (She looked to be about 55 years old, so she must of started with butts and matchsticks at about the age of 5!)

Any other Petco customers wandering by were also fair prey for her to promote her therapeutic methods at her private business as well. She told one couple who was expecting a baby in a few weeks that their large boxer, who had recently been attacked by another dog that their dog could now later shows signs of trauma, and their baby could be at risk. She gave the couple her card.

She also taught us the "Therapeutic Grab and Hug" for "brain recovery," which all puppies need. (?) This involved rolling Ruby over on her back, sticking our hands in her mouth, and as she'd tried to bite, growling/shrieking "Off!" , with our other hand in a claw as if to strike at her, and as she stopped biting (or cowered) massaging her vigorously all over.

I know some trainers do recommend alpha rolls and dog massage, but someone please tell me it doesn't start with this harsh approach to a 10 week old puppy!

So here's the reason Doug and I continue to be tired, but you know what? She's not nearly as tiring as making sense of some of the craziness out there!


Michelle said...

wow that's insane!! glad you left and did get a refund. i know lots of people who take care of pups one way or the other who are completely nuts! my dad's dog groomer included.

Nicki said...

That is one for the books. Freud would have a field-day with her. And to think - ever since she was 5, wow! Ruby is so adorable - how could anyone look into that face and consider such an act.

Chuck Adams said...

I just don't see the purpose. Especially considering it wasn't lit. Lit I could understand.... : /

Chuck Adams said...

BTW....I hope you know I am kidding. Anyone that would train their dog like that does not need to be training others. I agree with the reward method, but only if you are having difficulties training the animal.

Christi said...

Maybe she needs a matchstick in her butt to poop. What a freak. I'm going to google that right now. LOL

Reds said...

That is too funny!! What a weird trainer!! Glad you got a refund!

Beverly said...

ohhhmyyyygoshhh, she's not only insane but a danger to dog society. Glad they gave you a refund but I would also be writing a letter to the store manager and copying it to corporate. Ruby is a dill baby :)

Margaret said...


That is the weirdest thing I've ever heard.

Thanks for the laugh...and thank goodness you are NOT going to do what the trainer said.

Ruby thanks you,too.


By the poor, deprived, dogless children want your dog. They ooh and ahh and go crazy over the photos of her. It got so intense here, I almost had to threaten them with matchsticks..:) Would you be interested in adopting my children -- just two of them, Mallory and Alex...they're hardly any trouble at all -- so they could spend some time with Ruby? :)

Maria said...

Wrong on so many levels!

That last picture of Ruby is just precious! She is such a cutie!

Barb said...

That is just weird. Wow! Ruby has beautiful eyes.