Proactiv Hell and their Evil Robots

Proactiv is staffed by Evil Robots! Ok, so it's a wonderful product, Proactiv cleanser. My daughter likes to use it, and sadly, once in a while, I like to use it as well. But, OMG! They have the most frustrating customer service on the planet!

Only read this if you're really, really bored!

I tried to avoid the phone call to Proactiv by going through their web site. Ha! What delusional disorder came upon me letting me think that I might escape their special brand of torture? While trying to figure out if there was some way I could just order two lousy bottles of their skin cleanser, a mystery "chat" square opened up. So, I naively asked my question:

Me: "Can I order two bottles of your cleanser? I don't know my account number."
Evil Robot: "Let's move the chat window to the bottom of the screen while we chat."

Disconnect

I try again:
Me: "Can I order two bottles of your cleanser? I don't know my account number."
Evil Robot: "Are you a member? Once you order our initial package, you can order individual products in the future."
Me: "I don't know if I'm a current member. I used to be, but stopped ordering. Can I still order two bottles of your cleanser?"

Disconnect

I try again:
Me: "!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Are you still there? Are you going to answer my question?"
Evil Robot: "And what was your question again?"
Me: "I don't know my account number. I don't know if I'm a current member. I used to order your product and stopped when I had too a large a back log because of your negative option program. Can I still order two bottles of your cleanser?"
Evil Robot: (long, long silence)
Me: "Are you still there? Can I order two bottles of your cleanser?"
Evil Robot: "Are you a current member?"
Me: "I don't know if I'm a current member. Can I order two bottles of your cleanser? Can you just please say Yes or No?"
Evil Robot: Thank you for contacting Proactiv. If you have any other questions, please call us at 1 800 252-7774

Grrrrr. I think about ordering it on E-bay, and why I stopped ordering Proactiv in the first place. Then I think that maybe the cleanser on Ebay is really empty Proactiv bottles refilled with baby lotion, or pee, and I call the number.

Sweet Sounding Foreign Worker from the Movie "Outsourced": "Can I have your credit card number please?"
Me: "Ummm. . . first I have some questions. Can I just order two bottles of your skin cleanser? I used to have an account but I haven't ordered in a long time."
Sweet Sounding Foreign Worker from the Movie "Outsourced" who probably lives on 13 and a half cents a day: "No. You have to order the entire cleaning system initially, and then receive shipments every 60 days for all eternity. Would you like to be billed in one or two easy payments?"
Me: "Ok, two payments. What comes in the initial order?"

Ok, so then the
Sweet Sounding Foreign Worker from the Movie "Outsourced" who knows how to make offers sound like bargains that she hates to mention but she just couldn't live with herself if she didn't let me in on this very special deal that I would be a total fool to pass up proceeded to get my agreement to I don't even know what now. Some 5 or 3 bottle system, that is either 2 oz or 4 oz, with a travel kit with 3 more bottles of I-don't-know what and a special gift thrown in. Plus in 60 days or 30 days I will receive another shipment in the mail which will also cost me some unspecified sum of money that will be of course be charged to my credit card, also for all eternity. Sorry about that little short-fall for your tuition next semester, Dianna!

Next time, I'm just scrubbing down my face with ShamWow! and telling my daughter to deal with it!


And this photo has nothing to do with this post, but what's a post without a photo?